


Something More

by mean_whale



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Best Friends, Blow Jobs, First Dates, First Kiss, First Time, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Future Fic, Hand Jobs, Insecurity, M/M, Unrequited Love, fuckboy kuroo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-16
Updated: 2019-01-16
Packaged: 2019-10-11 05:30:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17440859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mean_whale/pseuds/mean_whale
Summary: Kuroo has been dumbed again. It was his own fault again. He asks Bokuto over to comfort him again. But this time he finds out a secret Bokuto has been keeping from him. How will it mould their friendship from here on out?





	Something More

Kuroo was tired of crying after being dumped yet again. He didn't understand what he kept doing wrong. Every guy he dated started out interesting, but he eventually noticed that something was missing, something so essential that he couldn't get past it, so he ended up distancing himself and acting like a jerk until he got the boot. It didn't stop that from being painful, and he found himself crying while watching stupid videos that were supposed to distract him from the pain.

Maybe he would end up being alone for the rest of his life. Maybe he was unfit for long-term relationships.

 _Will you come over?_ he texted Bokuto, who showed up without a question. This was normal: Kuroo ended up being hurt deservedly, and Bokuto would give him a shoulder to cry on. Not that he cried much around Bokuto. When his friend arrived, he had usually cried enough, but he did sometimes wonder if Bokuto's presence helped him keep calm.

This time was no different; Bokuto rang the doorbell and Kuroo went to open. On his way, he glimpsed in the mirror and saw how red and swollen his eyes still were. Bokuto smiled emphatically and they headed back to the sofa were Kuroo had been sprawled crying into a pillow that had been squeezed out of shape. As always, they sat side by side, and as always, Kuroo ended up leaning against Bokuto’s shoulder before lying down and resting his head on Bokuto's lap as his friend stroked his hair absentmindedly.

Everything was just as usual, until it wasn't.

Kuroo woke up. It wasn't unusual for him to doze off after crying and then being comforted by his friend. He nuzzled his face into the pillow. There was something hard poking his cheek.

Slowly Kuroo's mind started waking up properly, and he realised that he still had his head on Bokuto's lap, arms wrapped around the man's hips. Then he blinked his eyes open. Maybe he was mistaken. But no, he found his face very comfortably nuzzled up against Bokuto's crotch.

“Are you hard?” Kuroo asked incredulously and lifted his head to look at his friend.

Bokuto had a deep blush on his face and squirmed.

“Sorry,” he said quietly.

Kuroo sat up and looked at his friend.

“Don't apologise,” he said. “I'm just surprised.”

Bokuto didn't respond.

“I didn't think you could get it up for a guy,” Kuroo mused.

“Why wouldn't I?” Bokuto asked.

Kuroo looked at him closely. His face was burning red, eyes unable to settle onto anything.

“Because you're straight,” Kuroo said.

Bokuto gulped and fidgeted.

“I'm not,” he whispered in response.

Kuroo's jaw dropped.

“What about all the girls you've been dating?” he asked in disbelief.

“I haven't been dating any girls,” Bokuto said with a small frown. “How did you come up with that?”

Kuroo was going to answer but then realised he didn't have a proper explanation.

“I just assumed,” he said, embarrassed by his lack of tact.

As a gay person, he should have known better than to assume what someone was or wasn't. However, Bokuto had always been vague about his relationships, so Kuroo couldn't have known.

“So,” he said slowly. “Do you have a boyfriend?”

Bokuto shook his head.

“Someone you like?” Kuroo continued.

Bokuto blushed and Kuroo took that as a “yes”.

“Who is it?” Kuroo asked before Bokuto had a chance to deny it. “Do I know him? What does he look like? Do you have a type?”

Bokuto covered his face with his hands and whined in protest.

“Shut up, Kuroo,” he said weakly.

“Come on,” Kuroo whined and leaned in. “Tell me.”

Bokuto shook his head, face still hidden, but the tips of his ears were red too. Kuroo tickled his sides. Bokuto burst to laughter and lowered his hands to stop Kuroo from torturing him any more. They both laughed as they wrestled, Bokuto's face still as red as ever.

“Why are you so embarrassed, Koutarou?” Kuroo asked, wheezing. “I'm gay too. It's no biggie!”

Bokuto merely screeched and pushed Kuroo down from the sofa. Kuroo let out an undignified yelp before letting his body slump down and laughed so hard he lifted his hands up to his sides. The joy on Bokuto's face was pure, and Kuroo smiled so wide that his cheeks ached.

Kuroo watched Bokuto relax against the sofa, laughter finally dying in his throat as he gasped for breath.

“Tell me,” Kuroo tried again.

Bokuto went serious, even though his eyes still had a glint of happiness in them.

“I don't want to talk about it,” Bokuto said.

“Why?” Kuroo asked. “Is he straight? Is your heart broken?”

Bokuto's lips twitched.

“He's not straight,” he said.

Kuroo sat up and leaned on Bokuto's knees.

“Is he taken then?” he asked, resting his cheek against Bokuto's warm leg.

“I guess not,” Bokuto said.

“Then what's the problem?” Kuroo asked, wondering if he was missing some important detail.

Bokuto looked uncomfortable and wouldn't meet Kuroo's eyes.

“I don't think I'm his type,” he said quietly.

“How come?” Kuroo asked. “How could you not be someone's type?”

Bokuto squirmed.

“I've seen what kind of guys he dates,” he said. “They're nothing like me.”

Kuroo looked up at Bokuto's flushed face.

“Maybe he just hasn't realised that you're totally his type,” he suggested.

Bokuto glanced down with a frown.

“You think that's how it works?” he asked in disbelief.

“Why not!” Kuroo said and pulled himself up on his knees. “Maybe he just needs you to tell him that he's wrong.”

Bokuto snorted but didn't say anything.

“I'm serious!” Kuroo insisted. “Maybe he just needs a push to the right direction – to you!”

Bokuto sighed and slumped to the side, letting his body fall onto the sofa. He looked thoughtful, and Kuroo hoped that he was right, that Bokuto's crush only needed to have his eyes opened to see what a great boyfriend Bokuto would make.

“Don't you want to talk about your breakup?” Bokuto asked.

Kuroo blinked. He had completely forgotten that his heart was supposed to be in shatters, even if it had been mostly his own fault. Thinking about Bokuto's problem had whisked his thoughts away to another place, and suddenly being dumbed didn't feel so bad anymore.

“Nah, I'm good,” he said.

Bokuto watched his face for a moment before nodding. Then his fingers sank into Kuroo's hair, fingertips stroking over his scalp in a soothing manner. Kuroo rested his head against the sofa, cheek pressed down, and watched Bokuto's serious face. He wished that he could somehow help his best friend, somehow make Bokuto's crush understand what a missed opportunity it was to not date him.

“Why don't you ever talk to me about your relationships?” Kuroo asked.

Bokuto watched his own fingers disappear into Kuroo's hair.

“There's nothing to say,” Bokuto said.

“What do you mean nothing?” Kuroo asked. “There's always something, right?”

Bokuto shook his head but smiled. It didn't quite reach his eyes, but Kuroo had learned that things weren't badly wrong if Bokuto managed a smile. Maybe it was better to drop it. But, maybe, if he poked just a bit more, he would find out something about Bokuto's crush.

“Tell me,” he whined.

Bokuto snorted.

“I'm serious, there's nothing to tell,” he said. “I don't… I've never dated anyone.”

“Really?” Kuroo asked. “Why?”

Bokuto shrugged looking so embarrassed that Kuroo hurried to continue.

“You're such an amazing person!” he said. “You'd make anyone happy.”

The blush was back on Bokuto's face.

“But not just about anyone would make me happy,” he said quietly.

His fingers were still in Kuroo's hair, but they had frozen, forgotten, as Bokuto looked into the distance.

“You're really in love,” Kuroo said in awe.

How had he never known about it? Was he too selfish, all wrapped up in his own failing relationships to realise that his best friend was pining?

“How long has it been?” Kuroo asked.

Bokuto shrugged again and pulled his hand away from Kuroo's hair. Kuroo missed the touch immediately, head following the withdrawing fingers until they were out of reach.

“Why have you never talked about him?” Kuroo asked, pulling himself up on the sofa.

“I don't want to talk about him,” Bokuto said.

“But why?” Kuroo asked.

“Because it hurts, Kuroo,” Bokuto burst. “I just wish I could forget about my feelings.”

“Why can't you?” Kuroo continued. “Do you see him often? Maybe you need a break from him.”

“Maybe,” Bokuto mumbled.

He looked thoughtful. Kuroo let him think. He was hopeful that his advice could help Bokuto with the issue. It wasn't his fault that he hadn't known before, but now that he knew, he wanted to do everything he could to help. Bokuto had always been there for him, and finally he could do the same.

“That wouldn't work,” Bokuto finally said. “Then I wouldn't have anyone left...”

Bokuto's voice trailed off and he glanced at Kuroo with wide eyes. Kuroo frowned, biting the inside of his lip in thought. He had a feeling that there was something Bokuto wasn't telling him, some vital detail that would make everything seem more sensible.

“Bokuto,” he said slowly, but Bokuto shook his head.

Kuroo sighed. He didn't understand why Bokuto was so adamant about not revealing anything about his crush. He would have understood it better if they weren't both gay, then he wouldn’t have any insight to offer, but Bokuto didn’t seem to be comforted by it at all.

“He's someone I know, isn't he?” he asked out loud.

Bokuto shifted uncomfortably but didn't say anything. It must have meant yes, and Kuroo was finally starting to unlock the mystery. He was excited. He wanted to know what kind of a guy Bokuto was interested in. Maybe they were both into similar guys. Well, maybe that wouldn't be ideal. But at least they could now talk about men, bond in a new way now that Kuroo knew that it wouldn't make Bokuto uncomfortable to fawn over hot men.

“Are you embarrassed?” he asked. “Is it someone who I've called gross to you?”

Bokuto shook his head but kept his lips tightly together. He looked a bit like he was scared of accidentally revealing too much, and Kuroo couldn't figure out why.

“Is it one of my exes?” he asked next.

Bokuto's response was a shake of his head and a quiet squeal down his throat. Kuroo watched the changes on his face, trying to catch even the smallest one to finally uncover the truth.

“Is it Kenma?” was his next question.

“It's not Kenma,” Bokuto sighed. “I really don't want to tell you.”

“But why?” Kuroo asked.

“Because it's awkward,” Bokuto replied, voice raising. “It's going to make everything difficult and too complicated and I can't live with that.”

Kuroo knew his friend extremely well. He knew that this was the right moment to shut up and talk about something else, or he might risk losing Bokuto's trust. He knew what the right thing to do was, but he had finally had an idea that wouldn't leave him alone. He had to know, or _he_ might end up putting a strain on their relationship. His heart was beating hard, even though he was almost certain that he was wrong.

“Is it me?” Kuroo asked.

Bokuto wouldn't meet his eyes.

“Do you have a crush on me?” Kuroo asked again.

Bokuto didn't have to say anything: the way he had his head turned away and both his cheeks and ears were burning red was enough of an answer. Kuroo looked at Bokuto's face from an angle, how the boy had grown into a young man, face having gained more shape. Bokuto's eyes fluttered shut, his lashes casting a shadow onto his cheek, brows still as bushy as ever and always with more character than Kuroo's entire face had.

“Fuck,” Kuroo whispered, because his heart did the exact same thing it always did when he realised he had fallen.

“I didn't tell you anything,” Bokuto burst and finally turned to look. “You can't be angry with me because I didn't say anything!”

Kuroo felt like he saw Bokuto for the first time – really saw the man before him. He had never stopped to think about how amazing Bokuto was, because after they became friends, he had taken Bokuto for granted. He didn't understand how he had been so blind for so long. How many heartaches would he have avoided if he had simply opened his eyes and looked at what was right before him?

“Bokuto,” he said and leaned forward, intending to kiss him.

“Don't,” Bokuto said sharply and pushed Kuroo away.

His eyes were red.

“Are you crying?” Kuroo asked.

“No!” Bokuto exclaimed, but his voice was uncertain.

“Why are you crying?” Kuroo asked, cupping Bokuto's cheeks gently.

“I'm not!” Bokuto insisted and pulled away.

Kuroo had felt how hot his cheeks were, and now his palms felt like they were on fire. It was the wakeup call he had needed.

It wasn't as simple as he had first imagined, it would never be. Bokuto was in deep in his feelings and had been for years, but Kuroo had never thought to see him as a romantic interest before finding out. It was possible that he wasn’t reciprocating, maybe he was just instinctively looking for a rebound to feel less shitty about his bad luck in love. Maybe he was merely flattered and mistook that as something more.

But now that he looked at Bokuto, he felt like his eyes had been opened for the first time and he could finally see what he had been missing all this time. He already enjoyed Bokuto's company and the person he became with Bokuto, but now he also found his eyes stopping at Bokuto's lips, wanting to taste them. He wanted to get close, ravage Bokuto's lips and mouth, feel their tongues rubbing against one another and pull on that gel-stiff hair to see if he could ruin it. He wanted to feel Bokuto's erection against his own and rub their hips together until he came in his pants, wanted to feel the weight of Bokuto's cock on his tongue and suck him dry.

However, Kuroo realised with disgruntlement, those were the same thoughts he had had of every single one of his ex-boyfriends. What if he got close to Bokuto and then found out that he was getting bored again? He could never do that to Bokuto, he couldn't live with himself if it happened. But how would he find out without trying it first?

“I'm going home,” Bokuto said and started to stand up.

“No,” Kuroo hurried to pull him back down. “Please.”

Bokuto settled down but didn't look happy. Kuroo wondered if there was anything he could say to make things better again.

“I want to kiss you, Bokuto,” he said.

“I can't do this,” Bokuto said, head turned away.

“I know,” Kuroo said, hoping that he sounded reassuring. “I wouldn't do it now, but I really want to.”

Bokuto shook his head.

“Don't play with me, Kuroo,” he said sadly. “I can't believe you're doing this to me.”

Kuroo bit his lip. He would have to tread carefully not to ruin the friendship they had built throughout the years.

“Let me explain,” Kuroo said. “Just listen to what I have to say, okay?”

Bokuto was staring at the window with an uncharacteristic frown on his face, but at least he didn't try to leave.

“Look,” he said, “it's true that I never thought of you as more than a friend, but didn't I say that sometimes people just need a push to the right direction?”

Bokuto glanced at him sideways, and Kuroo continued to tell him what he had thought about, the good and the bad. Bokuto was worrying his lip as he listened, and it was almost infuriating how that didn't mean anything.

“I never want to hurt you, Bokuto,” Kuroo said. “I love you as a friend, you're so important to me, you know?”

Bokuto looked down at his hands.

“I don't know if I can do this,” he said quietly. “I never wanted you to know.”

“Why?” Kuroo asked.

Bokuto puckered his lips in thought, the frown returning to his face. He was picking on the skin on his finger.

“I don't really want to say,” he said.

“It's okay!” Kuroo said. “Just tell me.”

Bokuto glanced at him warily.

“Just… No offence, Kuroo,” he said slowly, “but you're a player. You just use people to get the kick you need and then discard them.”

Kuroo knew that it was the truth, but it didn't mean he liked hearing it from his best friend. Before he could think twice, he had already opened his mouth.

“You really see me like that?” he asked way too angrily. “I'm the one who keeps getting dumbed!”

“Because you act like a real shit once you get bored!” Bokuto screeched in return. “You make sure everyone gets tired of you, so you don't have to do your own dirty work!”

Kuroo didn't think he had ever seen Bokuto so angry and couldn't respond in any way. He could only stare as Bokuto stood up, face red with fury, and for the second time that day he was amazed by Bokuto. He had never realised how perceptive his friend could be about certain things, and suddenly he felt bad for every joke he had ever made of Bokuto being dumb. He quickly stumbled up as Bokuto headed to the door.

“Wait!” he called. “Bokuto, wait!”

Bokuto didn't stop before Kuroo grabbed a hold of his wrist, and even then, tried to pull himself free.

“Please, Bokuto,” Kuroo tried to sound as pleading as possible. “I don't want to fight. It just hurts to hear someone call you out.”

Bokuto stopped struggling but was still facing the door.

“I know I'm awful,” Kuroo said. “But I don't want to be awful to you. I think it would be different with you.”

Bokuto sighed and turned to look at him.

“You said yourself that you might get bored with me like you do with everyone else,” Bokuto pointed out. “I'm no different from the others.”

“Except you are!” Kuroo insisted. “We're already friends, we've been for years! Besides, you're completely different from the guys I've been dating! Maybe you are exactly what I need.”

Bokuto looked at him with sad eyes.

“I don't want to be your experiment,” he said.

“I promise that's not it,” Kuroo said. “I really want to stay friends with you but also add dating to it.”

Bokuto pulled his hand free.

“I don't think it's a good idea,” he said. “If you end up hurting me, I don't think I can recover.”

Kuroo whined. He knew he was being childish, maybe even manipulative, but he felt like suddenly his life had a direction that he hadn't thought to consider before, and he didn't want to lose the opportunity. But even more so, he didn't want Bokuto to leave thinking that he wasn't also thinking about him.

“Bokuto, let's talk,” Kuroo said.

Bokuto still didn't look convinced, and Kuroo was half expecting him to run to the door just to get rid of the situation, but eventually he sighed, shoulders deflating, and headed back to the living room without a word. Kuroo did a small happy dance behind his back and followed eagerly.

“Okay,” Kuroo said with a smile as gentle as he could muster. “Putting aside my horrible reputation with men, what are your main concerns of dating me?”

Bokuto let out a frustrated sound.

“You didn't even think about me as a possible partner before today,” he said impatiently.

“Many people start dating like that,” Kuroo said.

“If we break up we probably can't stay friends,” Bokuto said, trying to sound patient.

“But if we work out we'll be friends and more,” Kuroo easily deflected.

Bokuto didn't look impressed. He only looked annoyed.

“Besides,” Kuroo added, “our relationship already changed. Or do you seriously think that you can still hang out without feeling awkward because I know how you feel?”

Bokuto whimpered. Apparently, he hadn't thought that far.

“I don't want you to think that I'm pressuring you,” Kuroo said. “But. Think about it, Bokuto. Let me take you out.”

 

2)

At first it had seemed like the worst idea ever, but Bokuto found himself enjoying the date with Kuroo. They had gone to see a movie before having burgers and talking about how stupid the movie had been. They were joking around just like usual, and for a moment Bokuto forgot all about his worries.

When Kuroo suggested they go to his place, Bokuto nearly declined. His heart was fluttering as they took the train, standing close together in the crowd, and he was unable to forget the way Kuroo's body was pressing against his arm every time someone pushed by. His heart was in his throat by the time they made it to Kuroo's, and he hoped that Kuroo couldn't tell how turned on he was in spite of being so flustered.

“You want something to drink?” Kuroo asked all casual once they had kicked their shoes off.

“I'm fine,” Bokuto croaked out and went to sit in the living room while Kuroo went to the kitchen.

He had never been so nervous with Kuroo, not even at the beginning of his crush when he had feared that somehow Kuroo could tell how he felt just by looking at him. He found himself unable to settle, and he jumped, nearly falling off the sofa, when Kuroo arrived with two cans of soda.

“I brought you one in case you'll change your mind,” Kuroo announced, set Bokuto's can onto the table and sat down.

“Thanks,” Bokuto said and wondered if he should drink after all to ease the dryness of his throat.

Kuroo snapped his can open and took a swig before turning to Bokuto with a smile.

“I'm glad you said yes to a date,” he said, sounding genuinely pleased.

Bokuto simply nodded and looked around the room. He had his hands together between his knees. He watched how Kuroo put his can on the table and turned to him. Kuroo's cheeks were blushing, and that made Bokuto feel better about his nerves.

“Can I kiss you?” Kuroo asked quietly.

Bokuto opened his mouth but no sound came out. He had known it would come to this but hadn't thought it would happen so soon. He closed his mouth and nodded, although he was afraid that his heart might burst.

Kuroo smiled nervously before shifting closer and softly bringing their lips together. Bokuto leaned in, feeling braver now that his eyes were closed. Kuroo's lips were warm and tasted like sugar, his upper lip slotted between Bokuto's as they kissed slowly. Bokuto was certain that he would collapse, his body was shaking with excitement and nervous energy, heart beating like there was no tomorrow, and, in a way, he wished that there wasn't, just so he could stay in this moment where Kuroo's lips were stroking over his before a tongue slipped past them.

Bokuto couldn't help the whine that escaped him when Kuroo used his tongue to pry his mouth open, the slow wet licks moving farther inside. Kuroo lifted his hands to softly cup Bokuto's cheeks, and Bokuto felt less like drowning and more like melting. He had never kissed anyone like this, and his tongue was clumsy in response to Kuroo's fluidity, but he was too happy to dwell on it. He was kissing Kuroo Tetsurou! He was kissing the guy he had dreamed of for years, the one whose body haunted his nights and the mornings when he woke up hard and had a wank in the shower. Even in his wildest dreams he hadn't thought that Kuroo could accept him as a possible date, as someone to kiss and caress.

Kuroo's hands slipped back to Bokuto's nape, fingers stroking over the soft hair, almost tingling. Bokuto found himself unsure of where to put his own hands, but eventually placed one on Kuroo's waist and one on his knee. Even the thought of touching Kuroo like this was intense and Bokuto found his hands shaking slightly, forgetting how to work his tongue to at least appear more skilled than he really was, and his cheeks burned with arousal when Kuroo pulled his tongue between his lips and sucked. Bokuto desperately wanted Kuroo to suck another part of him, hips thrusting forward as Kuroo's hands slipped down to his shoulders and back.

Bokuto happily lost himself in the kiss, not sure where he was holding Kuroo or how he was responding to the strokes of Kuroo's tongue, only focused on how Kuroo's hands were on him, lips slick against lips and their chests warm against one another. He hardly even noticed Kuroo push him down, teeth scraping his lips and hips pressing together. Kuroo's half hard cock rutted against Bokuto's hip bone, and Bokuto was getting hard too, the way Kuroo kissed him completely intoxicating. Bokuto shuddered, Kuroo's hands were on his hips, thumbs stroking the sliver of skin that had been exposed as his shirt rode up. Kuroo rolled his hips, their cocks pressing together, and Bokuto wanted more, wanted them to be closer, wanted to feel more of Kuroo's skin against his own.

Except…

Bokuto pushed Kuroo away. Kuroo pushed back before realising what Bokuto was doing and lifted his head to look at Bokuto with a questioning face.

“I don't…” Bokuto stuttered. “We shouldn't…”

“Oh, you don't want to?” Kuroo asked, genuinely surprised.

Bokuto laughed awkwardly.

“Should we really have sex on our first date?” he asked, trying to sound teasing but stumbling over his words.

“I don't mind fucking on the first date,” Kuroo said with a smile.

His smile was dangerous, Bokuto found. It was seductive and reassuring, and Kuroo punctuated his words by rolling his hips against the uncomfortable bulge in Bokuto's pants.

“I,” Bokuto tried, but swallowed his words when Kuroo's lips latched on his neck, sucking lightly.

Bokuto badly wanted to go all the way, have Kuroo all over himself and finally experience the fantasy of his first time with his long-time crush, but he had to keep his head clear and remember why it was a bad idea to sleep with Kuroo. The fear of Kuroo never wanting to continue a relationship if they had sex was already enough to pull Bokuto's thoughts out of his pants and reminding himself of the fact that Kuroo would soon realise how disappointingly small Bokuto's cock was, made Bokuto pull away from Kuroo's exploring mouth.

“I don't want to,” he whispered.

Kuroo looked completely taken aback, and it was no wonder; it was weird to be so reluctant to sleep with someone he had wanted for so long. However, Kuroo would never understand what it was like to be able to only look from afar, in constant fear of being found out, have your heart broken over and over again – although unwittingly – and Bokuto wasn't eager to try to explain. He also didn't want to talk to Kuroo about the size of his dick.

“I thought you wanted me,” Kuroo said almost disappointed.

Bokuto licked his lips and slowly shimmied out from under Kuroo, sitting up and looking down at the mess of raven hair.

“I do,” he whispered.

They were approaching dangerous territory, and Bokuto started to think that letting Kuroo take him out had been a bad idea after all.

“Then why?” Kuroo asked and looked up.

Bokuto let his eyes rest on Kuroo's face, his reddened cheeks and dark eyes that seemed to look straight into Bokuto's soul. Bokuto shrugged in response to the question, and Kuroo frowned.

“Talk to me,” the man said, voice dark and demanding.

Bokuto shrugged again and looked away. He shouldn't have let himself be swept away. He should have said no to Kuroo right from the start, shouldn't have come over, shouldn't have kissed…

“Bokuto,” Kuroo said, and his voice was much softer. “Why don't you talk to me as your best friend?”

Bokuto looked at Kuroo as he straightened himself and sat down next to him.

“Can you stop thinking about me as your crush for a while?” Kuroo asked. “Just talk to me like you always do.”

Bokuto didn't think it was possible, but he didn't want to say so. Kuroo was clearly trying hard to understand and to make things easier. The least Bokuto could do would be to try to be less difficult, say at least something.

“Are you scared that I'll lose interest once I've slept with you?” Kuroo asked when Bokuto didn't say anything.

Blessed Kuroo was trying to make it easier to talk. Bokuto felt bad for being so difficult, and now was his chance to start a conversation without actually starting it. Before he could think too much, he nodded.

“Okay,” Kuroo said. “Yeah, I get that. But isn't it better to find out sooner rather than later?”

Kuroo laughed dryly.

“Just so you know,” he said, “I don't think I'll get bored of you.”

“You don't know that,” Bokuto mumbled.

Kuroo hummed, but Bokuto wasn't sure what it meant. He hoped that it meant that the conversation was over, but he couldn't deny how tempted he was to throw his apprehensions in the air and simply go for it. It would probably be less painful to simply have sex now and break it off with Kuroo after it got boring rather than date and keep his hopes up only to end up losing his best friend.

Then he remembered that he was definitely not ready to expose himself to Kuroo's scrutiny. He might never be, if he was being honest.

“I'm not going to push you,” Kuroo said when Bokuto remained quiet.

“I didn't think you would,” Bokuto said.

“Why can't you explain to me why?” Kuroo asked. “You were into it.”

Bokuto squirmed in his seat. Maybe he should tell Kuroo and be over with it. Kuroo wouldn't be interested and the problem with their relationship would be solved. Bokuto noticed that he had pulled his legs tighter together as he thought. As if that would hide the undeniable fact that he was small!

“You won't like it,” Bokuto mumbled as quietly as he could without being outright whispering.

“What?” Kuroo asked, leaning closer.

Bokuto was so embarrassed that he hid his face behind his hands.

“What did you say?” Kuroo asked again.

“I have…” Bokuto tried to speak louder but his voice was muffled by his hands.

“What?” Kuroo asked eagerly. “You have what?”

Bokuto's throat was tight as he swallowed, peeking at Kuroo from behind his fingers before closing his eyes.

“I have a small dick,” he blurted out, his words getting jumbled up.

Kuroo was quiet for a moment, and it was the most agonising moment of Bokuto's life.

“What?” Kuroo asked then. “I could swear you said that you have a small cock but that's just ridiculous–.”

“I do!” Bokuto nearly screamed before Kuroo's words could register properly. “Sorry for being ridiculous.”

“No, no,” Kuroo immediately responded and placed a calming hand on Bokuto's shoulder. “Are you serious?”

“Why would I joke about that?” Bokuto asked angry.

He wasn't sure if the anger was directed at Kuroo for being so insensitive or himself for thinking that it was a good idea to talk about it. He had expected Kuroo to reject him, but having Kuroo think that he was ridiculous was not what he had been prepared to.

“You can't be serious,” Kuroo said. “Bokuto, I've seen you naked, and I felt the size of it against my face. It's not small.”

Bokuto was startled into silence. First, he wished to not be reminded of his most embarrassing boner ever, the source of all this trouble that he now had to live with. Second, Kuroo's respond was not what he had expected.

“Y- You're just saying,” Bokuto stuttered out.

“Bokuto,” Kuroo said patiently. “I've seen smaller. You're above average.”

Bokuto stared at Kuroo in disbelief.

“Seriously,” Kuroo said. “How did you ever come to believe you have a small dick?”

Bokuto opened and closed his mouth silently. Now that Kuroo asked about it, he suddenly became aware of the fact that he had never had a reason to believe that he was small. He had always just assumed.

“Are you secretly into porn?” Kuroo asked teasingly. “Is that why?”

“No!” Bokuto yelled in horror.

Kuroo lifted his eyebrows at the sudden burst, and Bokuto realised that his denial had been so forceful that it could easily be interpreted as a yes. He sighed. The last thing he needed right now was for Kuroo to think that he was secretly a pervert.

“Okay,” Kuroo said. “But I know small, and I definitely know average. You're neither.”

“How can you possibly know,” Bokuto mumbled quietly, not meeting Kuroo's eyes.

“What was that?” Kuroo asked, cupping a hand behind his ear. “You don't believe me? Well, Bokuto Koutarou, I will have you know that my dick is very much average. Or what were you thinking? Did you think that yours is small and mine is a miniature?”

Bokuto's cheeks burned. He had always made extra effort to not look at Kuroo's nether regions when they were showering together after practice. He had made sure to not let his eyes trail down Kuroo's body when they were changing and Kuroo was only wearing his undies. He had only allowed himself to gawk at Kuroo's ass. Although, he had to admit, he hadn't always been able to stop his eyes from catching a glimpse of Kuroo's limp cock covered by his loose boxers, but that had been years ago and hadn't really given Bokuto any indication as to what Kuroo was packing down there.

“What?” Kuroo asked when Bokuto remained quiet. “You never looked?”

Bokuto continued to say nothing. Kuroo laughed, stood up, and before Bokuto had caught up with what was going on, had pushed his jeans and underwear down to expose his erection.

“Well?” Kuroo asked. “Do you get it now?”

Bokuto could only stare, eyes and mouth wide open. Whatever he had expected from his date with Kuroo, it had not been a good eyeful of the man's cock.

“You're hard,” he said weakly.

“Of course I'm hard after thinking about your cock,” Kuroo said, voice slightly airy.

Bokuto's eyes were glued to Kuroo's cock that was conveniently on eye-level. Now that he had gotten over the initial shock of seeing it for the first time, he was surprised to note how it wasn't as big as he had expected it to be. In fact, it was quite a bit smaller than his own in girth, but it was impossible to try to determine the length in comparison.

“Still feel bad about your cock?” Kuroo asked.

Bokuto could hardly remember what they had originally been talking about, and he turned his head up to look at Kuroo.

“I just assumed,” he said quietly, but Kuroo merely waved his hand.

“Never mind,” he said. “But now, I think I need to take a bathroom break.”

Kuroo turned to leave, but Bokuto caught a hold of his wrist.

“Can I…” he stuttered. “Can I touch?”

Bokuto glanced up in time to catch the smirk on Kuroo's face, before the man turned his hips back towards Bokuto and Bokuto's eyes were drawn to his erection again.

“Yes,” Kuroo said, pulling the hem of his shirt up a bit.

Bokuto noticed that his hand was shaking slightly as he reached out to place it on Kuroo's hip, stroking his thumb down to the mess of coarse hair. Kuroo's abs fluttered at the touch, and Bokuto slowly slid his hand to the base of the man's cock. A pearl of pre-come had emerged on the tip, and Bokuto was fascinated by how turned on Kuroo was by this – by him. Was it normal for Kuroo to be so aroused by the mere thought of another guy's junk, Bokuto had no way of knowing. He wanted to think that this was all caused by him and tried to push any doubts out of his mind.

Kuroo gasped when Bokuto took a soft hold of his length. Kuroo's cock fit perfectly inside his hand, as if they were meant to be. He was hard and heavy in Bokuto's hold, the silky skin hot to the touch. Bokuto squeezed, and Kuroo's hips jumped.

“Bokuto,” Kuroo got out before a breathy moan.

Bokuto started moving his hand over the length, Kuroo's pre-come slowly making it more slippery. He swiped his thumb over the tip, and Kuroo's knees buckled.

Bokuto looked in fascination how Kuroo's cock got wetter and slid in his hold, how the tip was an angry red next to his pale skin. Kuroo's balls jerked with each pump of his hand, and the air was thick with Kuroo's heavy breaths that occasionally turned to quiet moans.

The first thing to break Bokuto's concentration was Kuroo pulling his shirt up to his shoulders, long fingers finding his nipples that were two hard nubs on his tanned chest. Bokuto watched how Kuroo played with them, noticing how his hips were rolling with more vigour. Bokuto’s own pants were too tight by then, pressing almost painfully against his aching cock.

Kuroo let out a loud desperate moan right before shooting his load, the white semen spilling onto his tight abs. Bokuto watched how it slid down Kuroo's skin as he pumped him through his orgasm, only stopping when Kuroo let his shirt slip from his hold and whimpered. Kuroo caught a hold of his hem before it could slide down to the mess he had made, pulling the shirt off completely. Bokuto wiped his hand on Kuroo's underwear, and Kuroo laughed breathily before collecting his semen on his fingers and licking them clean, tongue poking between them in a way that made Bokuto moan low in his throat.

Kuroo's face was positively sinful when he looked down.

“Can I return the favour?” he asked.

Bokuto didn't have to think twice before nodding eagerly and starting to pull on his pants to get them out of the way. Kuroo laughed at his eagerness and kneeled down to help his cock out of its confinement.

“Wow, Bokuto,” Kuroo whispered when Bokuto's cock jumped out of his underwear. “I want to taste you.”

Bokuto whined in response, hips squirming as Kuroo continued to not touch him. However, his look was so intense that Bokuto felt like he was already being touched, his flesh thumping with want.

Kuroo licked his lips and looked up to make sure that Bokuto had no objections before taking a hold of his cock and licking a wide stripe from base to tip along the underside. His tongue was wet and warm, and nothing could have ever prepared Bokuto to how foreign it felt. His hips jumped when Kuroo licked over his tip, teasing it with the tip of his tongue before dipping his tongue into the folds of his foreskin. Bokuto moaned loudly, a hand taking hold of Kuroo's hair. Kuroo hummed when Bokuto pulled instinctively and opened his lips to suck the tip of Bokuto's cock in his mouth.

The heat of Kuroo’s mouth was intense, and Bokuto couldn't stop his hips from pushing up to it, hand pulling on Kuroo's hair as the man took him in deeper.

“Kuroo,” Bokuto panted out, his moans breaking as pleasure pooled tighter in his core.

Kuroo chuckled as he sucked hard, nose brushing against the nest of hair at the base, and Bokuto didn't have time to warn the man before his orgasm hit and he came deep inside Kuroo's mouth. Kuroo hummed, voice pleased, and continued to suck until Bokuto felt like his soul would leave his body through his dick, hips thrusting erratically with oversensitivity as he frantically pulled Kuroo's hair to get the man off.

Slowly Kuroo pulled away, sucking on his way up and releasing Bokuto's cock with a loud pop of his mouth, a smirk curling his lips like he was the cat who got the cream.

“Delicious,” Kuroo said slowly. “Perfect.”

Bokuto was panting, stroking Kuroo's hair absentmindedly. He had wanted to last longer, and his face heated up now that he thought about how quickly he had come. Kuroo didn't seem to mind; he nuzzled his head against Bokuto's touch and looked extremely pleased.

“You know, Bokuto,” Kuroo said, looking up at him with earnest eyes. “I always loved you as a friend.”

Bokuto blushed.

“I'm glad that now I get to love you as something more,” Kuroo added.

Bokuto groaned in embarrassment but managed a smile when Kuroo smiled at him. Maybe their relationship could work, maybe it wasn't a mistake. Kuroo pressed a soft kiss on his thigh, and Bokuto reached down to take a hold of his hand.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in April last year but didn't like it so I never posted it publicly. I didn't like how it accidentally took such a dubcon tone, but then I read it a few months later and it's really not as dubcon as I remembered. Anyway, I never bothered to edit it until now that I'm supposed to be doing something else. Also sorry for the sloppy editing.
> 
> Yeah. Writing fics hasn't really been that fun lately because I feel like there has been a drastic drop in any kind of interest so I don't know how much I'll feel like writing. I'm still totally going to finish my wips, though, no worries about that, and I have a couple of Voltron things because at least that fandom is more active. But other than that I feel like maybe I'll focus more on my original writing and things that actually still feel like fun. PS. This could just be depression talking, I don't really know what's going on with it.
> 
> [mastodon for writing related things](https://fandom.ink/@mean_whale) \- [personal twitter but also writing related things](https://twitter.com/mean_whale)


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